The Victim Speaks - Silence No More! Part 2
The Support
4/2/2011 (revised 7/31/11)
Shortly after a female victims advocate was at my door and supported from that day through to the trial. Within days I had the aid and support of close friends, family and professionals. Because I spoke up I was surrounded with support, people that cared. The victims advocate was a great listening ear and advisor. She put me in contact with the necessary professional services I would need to begin my journey of restoration. However, something was still missing. I pushed to go to work. I pushed to go to church. I pushed to teach at TPI. I pushed and pushed. But at home behind closed doors I couldn't’ push. My body and mind were dislocated and disassociating with each other. Fighting to keep normalcy of life was difficult.
I felt disoriented, disconnected and numb. My thoughts were scrambled in mush. I wanted to vent. I wanted to scream. I needed to release. I desperately needed to connect with someone that not only empathized with what happened to me but understood the internal struggles as well. I looked for connections but they were hard to find. I resorted to the Internet and found sexual assault support groups. Only one contacted me back, SNAP. SNAP has been a great support since that day. Survivors of sexual assault are a united force of support and powerful strength for each other. There is tremendous support in the community if a survivor speaks out.
The Church
During this time I desperately needed the support of my church leadership. My religious world was shattered and I needed help making sense of it all. Professionals could not help with this. It was important to have the support of the church, to feel the church empathized with what I had been through but there was no connection. No connection! But this is the Potters House the place where battered, broken and bruised women come from all over the world. I was battered, broken and bruised, a leader, a minister but there was no connection!!! What is going on here!
To answer your questions. Yes, the pastors were notified immediately about the assault. The Sunday after the rape Elder William Purcell noticed I wasn't my usual self and asked me to call him. I called him that afternoon and told him what happened. He told me to go to the police. Elder Purcell seemed genuinely concerned initially however that seemed to change. As traumatized and messed up as I was he relied on me to get him Tumbwe's contact info when the church should have had all his information. He threw it in my face later when I called him at the church and told him Tumbwe got on the bus I take to go home from work. During Tumbwe's trial some of Elder Purcell's answers were misleading and deceptive.
I asked my sons to come home three weeks after the rape. They knew nothing about what happened to me. They both lived out of town. They did not argue, complain or debate me. They came home immediately. That Saturday morning I told them about the rape. Never again do I ever want to see the look I saw on their faces when I told them I was raped. Never again do I want to hear the screams, the pain coming from their souls that I heard that Saturday morning.
Unbeknown to me my sons attended service that Sunday. They sat four or five rolls behind me. I sat in the third row every Sunday. After service I was surprised to see them walk up to the front of the church. We hugged and then they were led by Elder Purcell to a meeting with Pastor Faison and Pastor Robinson. My sons met with Pastor Faison and Pastor Robinson that Sunday morning at my sons request. They insisted on speaking to someone in high authority and refused suggestions to speak to anyone of lesser authority. My sons were tall and stately with a serious mannerisms. They had my back, strong pillars at my side. I was so proud of them and felt safe. I believe it is because of my sons intervening that I received a call that Sunday afternoon. I waited as they spoke to the pastors.
Though I made attempts to set an appointment with Pastor Faison, his office never responded to my requests until that Sunday afternoon. Pastor Faison's secretary called me to meet with him. In our meeting Pastor Faison told me “You opened a can of worms” and at the end of the meeting he prayed that, I don’t make this (rape) bigger than what it is. I will never forget that meeting and the expression on his face.
It took Pastor Moon almost one month to return my calls. She said her voice mail was not picking up calls. I never received a response from my certified and hand carried letters to Bishop Jake's. I do understand the weights on his shoulders. A simple acknowledgment would have been nice. One Sunday in desperation I went up after altar call to talk to one of the pastors' wives. I very briefly stated what happened. Her response was “I haven’t had that experience”. So on and so on and so on. I needed someone to connect with me, a release but it wasn't there. There was no connection! There was no release when I spoke with the pastors. No “ah-hah” moment. No click in my spirit. I’m sure they tried (maybe not) but there was no click, no spiritual “ah-hah” moment ever. I realized they couldn’t give me what they didn’t possess. They had the mark but the outside support have the heart. I met with counseling a few times but nothing was ministering to my pain, my soul.
The final blow came when the Potters House released a press statement after the assault became public knowledge. In the press release leadership further distanced themselves by making deliberate misleading statements. Was this the godly way of handling the situation or were they equivocating, devising a safe way to protect the churches credibility? Did my pressing charges against Tumbwe put the church in a precarious situation or did church leadership put the church in a precarious situation by the way they handled it? I was very disappointed but not surprised after learning that in most clergy abuse cases churches try to protect the credibility of the church rather than support the victim. In doing so they oust the victim re-victimizing the victim again, causing greater trauma. Sometime after the press release I met with Pastor Robinson.He explained and defended the church’s actions. He could not convince me the churches actions were right. To be fair in our conversation during his justification he did offer an apology, but it was empty words. Once again there was no “ah-hah”, I understand or that makes sense to me moment. No release.
To Continue click - The Victim Speaks - Silence No More Part 3
The Victim Speaks Series
